Underbelly, A Tale Of Two Cities - Episode 10

Recapped By Darzelle Wixton-Smythe, Who Can’t Possibly Go To School Today Because Her Mum Won’t Let Her Wear An Adidas By Stella McCartney Onesie In P.E.

Couldn’t. Understand. An Effing. Word.
I think the script for Chris Flannery in this dumb show might just be twenty pages of wiggly lines, with the occasional instruction like SHOOT GUN IN AIR, or LAUGH LIKE YOU’RE RETARDED, or PUNCH MATE IN FACE. He’s like, mental. He needs to go to the Home For The Mumbling Mental! I just made that up.

The Mumbler has lots of meetings with the Fugly Squad and some other guys in a place where there are sluts dressed as Greek ladies, and it gets confusing – it’s all drinks and icing sugar and boobs and spas and prawn cocktails. It’s just like an episode of Gossip Girl, but with more boobs and drinks and prawn cocktails.

George Freeman takes his clothes off waaay too much in this episode. At one point he’s just standing there in his undies, and I’m all like ew, and I’m all like “Don’t just stand there in your undies!”, and then later he’s completely nude, and I’m totally reminiscing about when he was only just standing there in his undies. The Mumbler wants George Freeman to hire him, but George Freeman says “If I wanted a clown, I’d hire Ronald effing McDonald”, but I reckon he’d be too busy.

Bob Trimboli is hiding in Dublin, but I don’t think he’s hiding very well because the Dumpy Waitress and Bob’s doctor just walk into the first pub they see and go “Hi”. Trimboli is selling guns and bombs to the IRA, which I think is like the NRMA but not as good for your car.

Matthew Newton is still in England and still in jail, and he has to go to court for a trial. Lady Gaga gets Alison to testify in court, but Hot Bitch Lawyer steals her thunder by standing up and telling everyone she loves Matthew Newton like she’s in a musical or something. Hot Bitch Lawyer’s mum is there, and she asks Matthew Newton what he can offer her daughter. I suppose the same as he can offer all his other girlfriends – lots and lots of boobs-out time and a really good chance of being killed and chopped up.

The Hot Squad suspect that Dieter Brummer is leaking information, so they bug his phone, so it’s lucky he finally got some lines.

The Mumbler kills the older brother from The Castle, and the cops are pissed because they really like saying “Tell him he’s dreamin’” or something. I don’t know. I kind of lost interest in a lot of the plot since Alison started wearing her hair back. The Mumbler keeps talking about how he’s got a green light, and I’ve never seen anyone so pumped about a traffic signal.

Matthew Newton does heaps of staring this week, and reads a Norman Mailer book and throws a chair around. Pretty much anything that stops him painting in the nude is okay by me. The jury finds him guilty of bad hair and probably murder, and Hot Bitch Lawyer cries and hugs her mum and really shouldn’t screw up her face like that because it’s fugly squared.

Next week is the last episode, which is good because then I can go back to doing my homework on Monday nights. HAHAHAHAHAHA kidding. I do my nails Mondays.

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