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Monday, February 02, 2009

Urban Decay 6

Part 6: Happy Australia Decay!

Keith. Cake. Japan. Pool. Pizza. Guacamole. Beer.

If the above words make perfect sense to you all together like that, then you either:
a) don’t need to go back and read Urban Decay parts one through five; or
b) you’re totally my kind of person and we can party anytime.

Either way, this isn’t really about you.
It’s about Keith.

See, even though Keith was born in New Zealand, spends most of his time in the US and didn’t call his daughter Sharon, he’s about as Australian as you can get. For this reason, he insisted on being included in my mate Russ’s Australia Day celebrations in Queensland.

Because of his nagging and his threat to sing us a song about jeans, we eventually agreed to bring him along, but first we made sure that he was fully aware of the rules and regulations that go along with the responsibility of attending a two day booze fes... er, typical Australia Day barbecue:

1. Ensure you apply plenty of sunscreen.

There's nothing worse than a burnt Sunday roast.

2. Do not overload the barbecue.

Perfect number of sausages. Way too much electric mandolin.

3. When playing bocce, ensure you throw your balls at the jack with as much force as you can (Gympie) muster.
Jack, meet Keith.

4. When playing cricket, ensure the bails are securely balanced on top of the stumps.
If not, bails may break in half.

5. Do not feed the kookaburras anything inedible, even if you’ve wiped it with meat.
Odd. He thought this was hilarious earlier.

6. If the kookaburras don’t eat it, the cane toads might.


Will eat dog food.

Will not lick meat from a Keith Urban CD.




Anonymous said...

I was present at this Australia Day weekend of fun and I just wanted to confirm that it is true.... the canetoad DID not lick the meat off Keith.

I believe Keith to have still had a great time, but I fear the end is so close.

Please tell me it isn't true, Jo.

shellity said...

I'm bloody impressed that Keith has made it to a sixth episode. And I agree - if one of the most loathed vermin in Australia doesn't like you, then you've got a few problems.

Jo said...

Keith might be a resilient old bugger, but don't get too attached.

Anonymous said...

My favourite display of Urban Decay-dence so far!

mama mogantosh said...

Jo you really love Keith. You want to kiss him and marry him.