Well, well, well. Aren’t I just the social networking temptress? I have been approached by yet another suitor via MySpace. This can’t just be a coincidence. I must be either (a) amazing and completely irresistible, or (b) this is some kind of scam or phishing exercise.
Quite clearly, the answer is (a).
The molten missive reads as follows:
Hey sweetie… love your hair…
Hey hun how are you doing today?Hope all is going on fine with you and your family...really i am new hear and i just thought i should come up ere to look for friends,lovers just to make me happy then i saw your picture and went through your profile and thought i should say hello to you and ask if we could be friends....i really think you are very beautiful and i love evrything about you..can't wait to get along with you soon.......have you got a yahoo id?mine is *****@yahoo.com have a great day sweets.ciaoFrank.
Let me be frank, Frank:
- Your message title, whilst lovely of you, is one of the gayest things I’ve ever read.
- My family’s good, thanks. Shelley’s a bit stressed with the kids, Mike’s birthday is coming up, Mum doesn’t think I should swear quite so much, and Dad might need spinal surgery. Otherwise not much to report. Also, you should probably mind your own fucking* business.
- It seems you’ve just acquired a cochlear implant or similar, so congratulations on the whole ‘new hear’ thing. I SAID CONGRATULATIONS ON THE WHOLE ‘NEW HEAR’ THI- never mind.
- I’m glad you ‘love evrything’ about me, but I’m afraid I haven’t liked a boy who dropped ‘e’s since the mid-nineties, when it was fashionable.
- No, I don’t have a yahoo ID. I have a MySpace page, though. Maybe you can contact me there?
At this rate, I’ll be married by afternoon tea time. To an illiterate loser. You’re invited!