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Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Sit On MySpace And Tell Me That You Love Me.

Last week, I received the following MySpace message from ‘Billy’:

hello angel
I was Thrilled with the Words written on your Profile and we seem to share much in common, I am looking for a serious relationship.
I have been told that being a blue eyed, Dark black hair is very sexy so if you think so then that is me.
My closest friends describe me as shy at first but very friendly and Straight forward. My main goals in life are to be with the right woman for me ....A woman that shares her feelings (saying I Love You), you get the idea. I am looking for a woman... someone who can share in the fun times and the not so fun times. Someone I can't wait to talk to each day... the first person on my mind each day and the last person I think about before I fall asleep. This person doesn't have to have the exact, same interests as I, but be willing to join in on the adventures. If you are a Woman of integrity, honest, likes to communicate feelings, and knows about being wild at heart.
I am a pretty centered person, happy with myself, but believethere is always room for growth. My friends tell me I am a "go-getter" type of person. I look at the world from a "glass half full" perspective and always try to find the good ineveryone. I am told that I am intelligent, funny and fun to baround. I am looking for a healthy adult relationship. I deserve that.
I am looking for someone who doesn't play games. I am a big believer in telling it like it is, except if it would hurt someone. I am interested in someone who has the time to devote to a relationship or who will at least try to make the time, as I would.Distance doesnt mean much to me because i believe much in feelings and a relationship by God even anywhere it is, i know that if we are meant to be, wewill surely be... Honesty is my ONLY policy. Nothing is worse than finding out that a relationship is based on lies.
I am very interested in taking good care of myself and would like to find someone whobelieves in the same thing.. I am willing to relocate .. I am an independent businessman and am into importation and exportation of electronics, fabrics, aluminiums and antiques.Well You can contact me on My email address is Email Address: bkinggreat at y/a/h/o/o ./c/o/m please mail me there because my subscription will end today.. and will love to know you better... Add me on y/a/h/o////o. Chat IM: bkinggreat .. contact me there . ..Thanks Once
Again and I will be looking forward in hearing from you again and have a nice day ahead of you. Sincerely Yours. Billy

I don’t want to shock anyone, but I actually have a couple of comments.

- I’d like to know what it is he thinks we have in common. It can’t possibly be mad spelling skillz, and I couldn’t be less interested in aluminiums.

- I’ve never seen a blue eyed, dark black hair, but I’m sure they’re sexy as all get-out. They must be the kind of hairs teachers have on the back of their heads.

- If Billy’s friends are telling him that he’s both shy and a go-getter, then Billy’s friends are either idiots or they’re lying to him. Mind you, I visited Billy’s MySpace page, and he only has one friend. Surprising.

- One of Billy’s main goals is to be with a woman who will share not so fun times with him, and he also says he doesn’t play games. One of my main goals is to have fun totally all the time, especially when I’m playing games. Sorry, Billy.

- Billy, are the adventures of which you speak electronics-importation-related adventures? I hope so. They would be awesome.

- Billy says he’s ‘fun to baround’. I don’t know what ‘barounding’ is, but if it’s related at all to ridiculing lonely, borderline-illiterate people, then he’s right. It is fun.

- ‘Mail me there because my subscription will end today’? Billy, you know what I hate more than bad punctuation and not having fun? PEOPLE WHO GIVE ME RELATIONSHIP ULTIMATUMS. I don’t think a go-getter would just let his subscription end like that, Billy.

Aside from all that, Billy sounds like a total fox. He'd better not have also sent this same note to hundreds of other women at random. I hate a relationship based on lies.

.

6 comments:

lozzy said...

"I’ve never seen a blue eyed, dark black hair, but I’m sure they’re sexy as all get-out. They must be the kind of hairs teachers have on the back of their heads."

i totally lol'd

Kim said...

Back off, Jo. He's MINE.

shellity said...

Best.
Post title.
Ever.

Goose said...

I always saw you as a 'glass half empty' kind of gal.....you're totally not compatable...totally....

Mama Mogantosh said...

I would like to baround, and talk aluminuium and fabrics and physical fitness. But having to say 'I Love You' in caps is a little heavy...and I would need to check if Billy means 'a relationship, by God', or 'a relationship by God' though, cause that could break what is otherwise a sweet, sweet deal.

PetStarr said...

I reckon you should email him your bank account details immediately. Save him the time of courting you over email for the next three months before asking you to wire him $500 to cover the importation tax on his next shipment of aluminium after he lost his credit card.