I hope you haven't stopped by for an Australia's Next Top Model recap.
I may not even remember my own name until afternoon tea-time tomorrow. I think even my letterbox is hungover.
But, like a convicted drug-smuggler, I'll try to squeeze out something expensive:
- Joydhi was a noy-shoy. Rumours suggest that she wasn't comfortable enough with live television to agree to hoyst the shoy. I think she simply ran out of vowels.
- Charlotte Dawson looked smoking freakin' hot. Scientific fact.
- Shiny Alex Perry, who looked like a treasured St Bernard's testicle that had been bronzed and put on a mantelpiece where expensive sunglasses are usually kept, argued calmly with Jonathan Pease by simply repeating the same sentence over and over. If only Wayne Cooper could learn to argue with as much restraint.
- Q: What's scarier than the scariest thing you've ever seen in your life? A: The scariest thing you've ever seen in your life wrapped in luminous green vinyl. Hint: Napoleon Perdis is the scariest thing you've ever seen in your life.
- All the modules, without exception, looked stunning. Kristy even had the fashion-foresight to wear Episode Six's beaver in her hair.
- Henry Roth from Project Runway is so... so rectangular.
- Apologies offered by contestants before the viewer voting lines are closed should be taken with a grain of bullshit.
- Bryan McFadden is as relevant to an Australian modelling competition as traditional portraiture is to James Gleeson or, for the lowbrow amongst you, as horseriding magazines are to a proctologist's waiting room (right, Alexandra?).
- I know listening to judge's opinions that we've all heard before, twice, should be interesting, but I'm momentarily distracted by insulation.
- Demelza won. Meh.
I sat in the audience. I after-partied. I after-after-partied. I am SO good for gossip right now. I am SO not telling.
Next week, I go back to blogging about my own life, society's perceived injustices, and how sometimes dragging your chair back sounds a bit like a fart.
Thanks for reading.