Hit Me, Baby, One More Time

If you say you've never Googled someone you know, you're a dirty, stinking liar.
I don't mean questionable, creepy, only-one-hand-on-the-keyboard stalking-type Googling. I mean the odd curious Google, especially of the I-just-met-you-and-I-know-your-surname variety.

Oh, okay – I mean stalking.

If I'm interested in a person, I do it. Just once, out of curiosity. And then a quick check for a Myspace page. And perhaps a fleeting entry into the New South Wales Courts search engine, just to be sure he only looks dangerous.

I know I'm not the only one who does it. At least I hope not. My considerably high self-regard would suffer a metaphorical kidney-punch if I thought nobody had ever Googled me. Besides myself, of course. Good old me.

So, on the off-chance that any people I've met recently are letting their fingers do the stalking, I might as well provide some fodder. Even though, armed with the simple skill of being able to read, they'll soon discover the truth, I'd like to be able to send an initial rill of thrill through them when their searches bring up some devastatingly interesting hits. In a nutshell, I'm making shit up. The sentences below are purely for hitting purposes. Like a punching ball. Or Deni Hines.

· …..other notable dignitaries in attendance were Princess Mary of Denmark, Jennifer Grey, The Rock, and Jo Thornely, who danced the night away despite being in a full body-cast

· ….named after Jo Thornely due to dark, symmetrical markings on its lower thorax

· …Jo Thornely faz a água potável parecer com um trem de carga

· …a flexibility of the spine only seen before in invertebrates and Jo Thornely

· …Jo Thornely in handcuffs. Other defendants, however, were given a mere slap on the wrist

· …only two other blouses like it in the world, belonging to Jo Thornely and Chairman Kaga

· …four ducks, a slice of wholemeal bread, Ricky Ponting, three green highlighters, a velvet snood, Jo Thornely, and some ordinary household bleach.