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Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Urban Decay 3

Part 3: Konichiwa, Keith-San.
Just in case you’re too lazy to go back and read parts one and two, my mate Russ and I are in the middle of a very important project – the gradual destruction of a Keith Urban Greatest Hits CD. All the cool kids are doing it.
Well, some of the cool k…
Well, two or three of the c…
We just thought it’d be fun. Shut up.

Anyway, Keith has been pretty busy lately, and he mentioned that perhaps he’d earned a holiday. Keith is a whining bitch. After nagging, stamping his feet and refusing to eat his Rice Bubbles, Russ and his percussive compadre Frosty finally caved and agreed to take Keith with them on a Japanese jaunt. They also asked Keith to empty his pockets before going through Customs. You can never be too careful.

First, Russ wanted Keith to really get a sense of traditional Japanese culture, mostly involving pyjamas and pictures of fish.

He thinks he’s turning Japanese. He really thinks so.

Frosty thought maybe Keith would appreciate something more contemporary, like a foray into the Japanese railway system. And… and some stairs.

Keep left, Keith.

The main point of the trip, though, was to show Keith what proper, grown-up music sounds like at Fuji Rock at the Naeba Ski Resort. Keith was a bit hesitant and skeptical, especially when Russ and Frosty explained that the festival would be almost completely free of slide guitar. They pretty much had to drag him there by the teeth.

They eat CDs raw over there, y’know.

When it started to rain, Keith got spooked and couldn’t be found anywhere. Russ and Frosty gradually narrowed their search, and also got almost unnecessarily artsy with the camera.


Oh, Keeeeiiiiitttthhhhh…

Keith, you scallywag. We were worried.

Russ thought Keith could do with a bath, partly because he was all muddy, but mostly because Keith told him he was dressed a little bit like a homeless person. Russ hates it when Keith does that.

Don’t forget to wash behind your ears, Keith.

Finally, although it’s a bit of a cliché, because everybody always goes on holiday and always takes a ride on the head of a mechanical shark, Keith took a ride on the head of a mechanical shark.

Now jump it, Keith.

I couldn’t be prouder of Russ and Frosty. Not only did they go above and beyond the international call of duty for the sake of the Urban Decay project, they were also willing to be seen in public with Nicole Kidman’s bitch. Gentlemen, your bollocks are robust and impressive. Or so I’ve heard.

Stay tuned for more Urban Decay, in which Keith gets all Gordon Ramsay on your arses and parties like it’s 1999. And stuff.



shellity said...

Photo captions.

When the mechanical shark came into it, I woke up. But then I realised I wasn't dreaming after all, and it was in fact a mechanical shark.

Kiki said...

HAHAHA omg are crazy. crazy and awesome.

poor Keith. just coz he has highlights like a lady is no reason to pick on him

Jo said...

PICK on him?!? We took him to Japan, man.

Femikneesm said...

Can't stop laughing. Awesome post.

Nickie said...

Thats all i can say.
I think he'll be in for more torture though.
He deserves it.