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Monday, January 22, 2007

The Hangover Poem

A's for Amnesia, because, with regret,
I forgot what I drank when I drank to forget.

B is for Beer, whose sweet comfort I sought;
It's uncomfortable knowing how many I bought.

C is for Cocktail, and, like how they're made,
I'm muddled, and shaken, and not natural shades.

D is for Drinking, my primary vice
Now my bloodstream is ten percent Cointreau on ice

E's for Electrolytes, causing the fog
That can only be cleared by a Hair of the Dog.

F is for Finding Myself Tucked In Bed,
With the cab ride a memory gone from my head.

G is for Gin, and I had mine with tonic,
Now my snoring and belching are quite inharmonic.

H is for Headache, and How Did I Get
A tattoo on my arse and a sheep for a pet?

I is for Ice, which, as well as some chips,
Are the only near-solids that passed through my lips

J is for Just When I'm On My Way Out,
A friend with a credit card yells "It's my shout!"

K's Karaoke, and I thought I'd try it
From "Khe Sanh" to Kylie, I should've been quiet.

L is for Lager, and also for Lout,
Said together, descriptive of me when I'm out.

M's for Mojito, Martini, and more:
Margarita, Manhattan, and Me On The Floor.

N is for Nausea, and I've little doubt
That my insides are liquid, and want to come out.

O is for Oh Dear, I Think I Recall
That I danced on the bar with no clothes on at all.

P is for Pissed, and for Pickled, and Pray
Pass the Panadol, Please make the Pain go away.

Q is for Quiet! Don't make such a din,
'Cause my head feels like something a Rottweiler's in.

R is for Retching, quite good for the soul;
I can work on my abs whilst I'm hugging the bowl.

S is for Sangria, guzzled in Spain,
And in quantities injurious to my brain.

T is for Toilet, cool solid and white;
The friend I embrace at the end of the night.

U is for Under the Table, and so
Now I'm Under the Weather, and moving quite slow.

V is Vodka – they say it doesn't smell
Yet they've not whiffed my breath, from the armpit of Hell.

W's Water, on which I depend,
'Cause my mouth is as dry as a camel's rear end.

X marks the spot, they say, where treasure lies,
But it marks not these spots here in front of my eyes.

Y's yesterday, and the words I said then,
Which were something like "I'm never drinking again."

Z is for… for…
Oh look, bugger it. Scotch, please.


adventure boy said...

Wonderful, I love it. It's so good I have to have it tattoed on the inside on my eyelids!

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

CoatMan said...

Graffiti in a lavatory that I saw to-day:

"When I read about the evils of drink, I gave up reading" ;-)

Jo said...

AB - it's too long for the eyelids. Maybe down one leg?

CM - I guess you didn't make it to the end of the poem then, huh.

redcap said...

Ha! That's fucking great. Very impressed with the whole poeticky rhythmy sort of thing. :)

nick cetacean said...

"I can work on my abs whilst I'm hugging the bowl"

It's great to see what a glass half-full/positive person you are...

londongirl said...

This is fantastic. Truly brilliant.

I like poems that rhyme. Call me a schoolkid, but there we go!

Anonymous said...

Jo, I must apologize. For some reason I never noticed your comment on my blog. However, I found this poem on another site, and your name wasn't given as the poet. I'll correct it now.
Brilliant poem, it summed up how I felt that day!

Anonymous said...

I forgot to add, I didn't take credit for the poem! I marked it 'unknown' in my language, Afrikaans!

Jandalf said...

I just had to put this awesome poem in a blog me and some friends have, of course with credits to you! Great work

Anonymous said...

Work is the curse of the drinking class