Maverick 5: The Maverick Reloaded

I’m speechless.

Saturday’s Sydney Morning Herald.
I cannot BELIEVE that the same thing that happened to my friend Penny also happened to Charlotte Dawson from Australia’s Next Top Model.

I mean - what are the odds?

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Maverick 4: A New Hope

Not a peep from the school after the last email. It was time to consider the possibility that Maverick had been discovered and taken home by a student, member of staff, or errant caretaker with a penchant for moustaches and under-achieving silhouettes.
Put simply, it was time to crank the search up a notch.

First, I joined the school’s facebook group, and left a pleading message on their wall. I thought it wise to include the classic amnesty phrase “No questions asked”, to encourage people to come forward. My inclusion of the phrase was, in no uncertain terms, a complete lie. I have many, many questions.

Next, I made up some posters to put around the suburb in question, hoping that someone would see them, recognise Maverick from the picture, and send him home. The barkeep at the local pub even agreed to put one up behind the bar, although she didn’t look entirely happy about it.

Bring our baby home, Universe. Bring him home.

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Maverick 3: Fly Harder

FINALLY.
I received a reassuring email on Friday from the school, letting me know that school staff were, in fact, taking my request seriously. And apologising to me.
Apologising.
To Me.


> Date: Fri, 3 Apr 2009 11:02:04 +1000
> From: P*********@********.edu.au
> To: ********@hotmail.com
> Subject: RE: Lost Property Enquiry
>
> Dear Jo,
>
> thank you for your reply.Sorry for my reply as I did forward to you by mistake, no offence intended. It certainly was an unusual request.
>
> Despite the unusual request and my light hearted response to R**** I did take your request seriously and I am sure that if it did alight in ****** we would forward it to you. We are keeing our eyes open. Usually it would have turned up by now so I guess the strong winds may have taken it further.
>
> best of luck
>
> P*******


I was equal parts reassured and curious:



From: *********@hotmail.com
To: **********@*******.edu.au
Subject: RE: Lost Property Enquiry
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 2009 14:18:23 +1000

Dear P******,

Thank you so much for your reassurance. I remain hopeful that Maverick will surface eventually. If he has in fact been blown outside the school grounds, it might be a good idea for me to put some posters up around the area - I think I have a picture of him somewhere.

I do have a question, though - you say that "usually it would have turned up by now". How long does it normally take for inflatable dolls to be located on school grounds?

Thanks again,
Jo.



I still think he was blown inside the school, though. They are private school girls, after all.

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Maverick 2: The Mavericking.

The search for Maverick continues. Inch by inch (sorry, Maverick – is that insensitive?), we creep closer to his return.

I was thrilled this morning to receive what I thought was a response from the school in question to my lost property enquiry. Alas, the email had been sent to me by mistake – what was intended as a message to another teacher was accidentally forwarded to my email address instead. Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen:

> Date: Fri, 3 Apr 2009 07:58:14 +1000
> From: *********@********.edu.au
> To: ***********@hotmail.com
> Subject: Re: Lost Property Enquiry
>
> Hi R****,
>
> love it!! Could I get my Form class to look for it?
>
> (Just joking! But year 9 would love it!) Is this an April fools joke?
>
> cheers
>
> P*****

It seems the school was not giving the quest for Maverick the serious consideration we had hoped. It was time for another email.

From: *********@hotmail.com
To: **********@*********.edu.au
Subject: RE: Lost Property Enquiry
Date: Fri, 3 Apr 2009 07:25:12 +1000

Dear P*****,

Your email below may have come to me by mistake?

Either way, I can assure you that my request for this item of lost property is not an April Fools' prank. I'm not sure what they teach there at the school, but everybody knows that any prank played after midday on the 1st of April is null and void, and likely to result in justified retribution by the prankee - a "wedgie" or similar - whatever the kids are doing these days.

I do appreciate your attention to my original email, however, and hope that Maverick (as the item has affectionately been dubbed) is found safe from harm. Punctures can of course be repaired, but with the normal teenager's propensity for defacement, I fear, if found, that Maverick may not have survived with dignity intact.

My apologies for any inconvenience caused.
Thank you and sincere regards,
Jo Thornely.

We all remain hopeful, yet concerned. Autumn is here, and Maverick is nude. It’s cold out, and even when you don't have any genitals, shrinkage can be a bitch.

.

Maverick.

A friend of mine – let’s call her Penny (she understandably wishes to remain anonymous) - lives on a fairly high floor of a very tall building, and her balcony overlooks the grounds of an expensive and exclusive private girls’ school across the road.

Penny’s boyfriend was away for a few days, so her flatmate thought it would be hilarious to buy a male blow-up doll and leave it, fully inflated, in Penny’s bed. The doll was a particularly cheap model, un-blessed by the inconvenience of genitals, inflatable or otherwise. The doll’s name, according to the packaging, was Maverick.

When Penny discovered Maverick in her bed, she didn’t see the funny side straight away. After recovering from the initial terror she grabbed it and, realising her flatmate had just left for a party (dressed as a pirate, mind you – not relevant – just funny), ran with it to the balcony. She saw her flatmate below, shouted to her, and waved Maverick in the air.

The wind was angry that night, my friends.
In no time at all, Maverick had leapt free of Penny’s grip, and was floating across the street. Like his Top Gun namesake, he soared, looped-the-loop and seemingly mocked the laws of physics. Over a tree he flew, gradually losing altitude. Across the netball courts of the expensive and exclusive private girls’ school he wafted, and then, tired of his naked, airborne adventures, he gently drifted behind a building right in the middle of the school.

Naturally, when Penny told me this story, I laughed up my freaking pancreas. Shortly afterwards, I decided that it should become my mission to get Maverick back. A girl can never have too many hobbies, and Blow-Up Doll Retrieval is as honourable as any.

To that end, this very morning I have sent the following email to the administrative ladies at the aforementioned school:

From: ************ @ hotmail.com
To: **************@**********.edu.au
Subject: Lost Property Enquiry
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2009 10:50:58 +1000

Dear Sir/Madam,

I regularly visit a friend who lives in a building very close to your school, and unfortunately recently whilst there, I lost some property that I believe may have ended up on school grounds.

On Saturday 28th March, whilst engaging in some tomfoolery on my friend's balcony, the item became caught in the wind and blew across the road, over a tree, and behind some buildings within the grounds.

Whilst the item is unusual and a little embarrassing, I assure you it has great sentimental value and I am anxious for its return.

The item is an almost life-sized male doll of caucasian appearance with brown hair, a moustache, and a surprised expression.

I realise that this may not be the kind of thing that could reasonably be announced at a school assembly, but if any of your staff or students do happen across this lost property, I would be very pleased to have it returned.

Thank you and best regards,
Jo Thornely.


I really, really hope I get a response. If not, Penny and I will be moving on to the second part of the plan. We will get him back, dammit.

It’s alright, Maverick. Mummy’s coming.

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