Made-Up Word of the Week #3

invisible camera

Imaginary photographic device which confuses at one end and amuses at the other.


Origins: Last year, staff at my office got to meet all the Australian Idol contestants at a drinkies do in our boardroom. I was chatting to my mate Olivia when one of the more aesthetically pleasing Idols walked past, and she mentioned she wanted a photo with him, primarily so she could nestle into his barely post-pubescent armpit. Unfortunately Olivia didn't have a camera. I suggested that she should go up to him anyway, pose with him, and I would just mime taking a photo of him on an imaginary, invisible camera.

She wimped out.



Later in the evening, Olivia and I went out, and eventually she found herself being chatted up by an outrageously good-looking, stunningly stupid man.


She tapped me on the shoulder and, smirking, said "Hey Jo - do you mind taking our picture?"


"Sure!" I replied, going through the contents of my bag to find my invisible camera.


Having found it, I raised it to my face and mimed pressing the shutter button.

The guy barely blinked.



"Wait," said Olivia. "The flash didn't go off. Take another one".





Anyway, here's the photo:

Damn. I cut their heads off.

Made-Up Word of the Week #2

maracas of doom

Eclipse mints as carried in pocket or handbag.

Origins: It has been proposed, in various recent earnest conversations, that if one were a terrorist wishing to drug or poison a large percentage of the Australian population, all one would have to do is find a way to infuse the aforementioned drug or poison into packets of Eclipse Mints. The gusto with which the local populace has embraced the Eclipse Mint is nothing short of phenomenal, and one can hear the mouth-freshening blighters shaking around rhythmically in their distinctive blue tins wherever one goes. In fact, in order to find my own stash, all I have to do is shake my handbag and follow the noise. Hence, if Eclipse Mints were drugged or poisoned, they would become the Maracas Of Doom.

e.g:
"Got a mint?"
"Nah, fresh out - try Tina. I heard her maracas of doom when she got up to go to the photocopier."

Made-Up Word of the Week

seafood pants


misheard underwear made of fish, seaweed, crustaceans, etc.

Origins: Whilst at the pub on Saturday, the ever-shy-and-polite Steve mentioned to Kylie (who was wearing a shortish skirt) that her undies were visible in her current seated position. She immediately rectified the situation, commenting that she should be more careful, as she was wearing "see-through pants". Steve and I both misheard her, thinking she said "seafood pants". As is so often the case, the misheard phrase was far preferable to the actual one, causing a good ten minutes' worth of mirth and insinuations of venereal disease.

e.g:
"Did you hear? Apparently Miriam has crabs"
"Serves her right. That's what you get for wearing seafood pants".