Bum Shot #9: The Blokes Of Australian Idol

L-R: Teale Jakubenko, Luke Dickens, Irrepressible Fame-Whore, Wes Carr, Mark Spano.

So, it's Battle Of The Testicles in the lead-up to Australian Idol 2008, and the four remaining finalists have fulfilled one of their semi-professional obligations: lining their buttocks up next to mine and saying 'cheese'.
I'm so sorry to make you think about buttocks and cheese at the same time. Just pretend you're at the doctor.

And yes, that's a fascinator made out of coloured paper from the office stationery cupboard. Thank you for asking.

Where Are They Then?

I know.

I know.

I've been a bad, lazy, uninspired blogger.

But, like 80s fashion, New Orleans storms, and Les Hill's career, sometimes I just have a bit of a lull.

So here. Have some long-overdue Australia's Next Top Model bum-shots.

Starvation and low-level literacy never looked so good!

In this case, the word "bum" needs some inverted commas. That's not a torso, Alamela. That's just a wiggly line.

Reblacka told me that this is the fourth pose in her repertoire of four. I couldn't be more proud.

Black is so slimming, don't you think, Alyce?

Taken shortly after Leiden beat me in a beer-swilling competition. Arse? Yes. Class? You decide.

I bullied Demelza into this shot. Also, just because I'm contractually obliged to include it in this post, it doesn't mean I have to put it near the top.

A couple of arseholes.

I was going to dress as Caris for this photo, but I couldn't get the poodle to sit still.

This lady just wouldn't leave me alone until I'd agreed to be photographed with her.

And finally (although not technically a bum-shot), a reminder to Shiny Alex Perry that he should never leave his sunglasses lying around....

Bum Shot #8: Australian Idol 2007

My job means that Idols come to my place of work to eat sausages and turn their buttocks towards the lens. Just lucky, I guess.
Carl Risely.

Chicks n'that. Lana Krost, Natalie Gauci, Tarisai Vushe. Totally not fake.

Mark Da Costa. No sun. Sunglasses. Because we rawk.

Matt Corby. Pretty eyes. Pretty arse. Then there's him.

Bum Shot #7: Marty Simpson

Big eyebrows. Wee arse.

Bum Shot #6: Julia Morris

Julia Morris gets paid to be funny.

I do it for free.

See? See my funny face? It's that funny thing at the other end of my funny spine from my funny arse.

I'm so funny.

Bum Shot #5: Josh Lawson

Me. Josh. Oli.
And our arses.
Whilst explaining the bum shot concept to Josh, I made the mistake of using the phrase "D-List celebrities".
He said "You could've been nice about it".
I said "I was".

Nice arse, though.

Bum Shot #4: Tim from Big Brother

A bit scary. If the flash hadn't've gone off, I'm pretty sure he was ready to drop 'em and smile vertically for the camera.

Bum Shot #3: Crazy Frog

Crazy Frog had a hard time turning around, but at least you can't see his disturbing little willy.

Bum Shot #2: Guy Sebastian

Sometimes you have to be quick. I said something like "Hi, Guy. Photo. There. Turn Around. Thank you!" - all done before he had a chance to say "Whaaa...?".

Bum Shot #1: Eskimo Joe

Aaah, the Bum Shot. No more front-on celebrity photos for me. No, sir.