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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Lights. Camera. Handset.

In olden times, there were no mobile phones. For serious!
These were halcyon days, before Bindi Irwin was born, when you had to walk into a bank to get money out for the weekend, and when having a Down's Syndrome baby was a surprise every time. Everyone was high on Liquid Paper and high jeans, and Kathleen Turner wasn't an overweight man. Good times.

Movies and television shows were still made back then, although downloading them meant tipping your television out of a wheelbarrow. Lots and lots of movies were made that didn't have mobile phones in them (although unfortunately some of them did include Kathleen Turner). If mobile phones had been around, a lot of movies would be entirely different:

Picnic At Hanging Rock

Exterior: Hanging Rock and surrounds. Ringtone (Madonna's "Like A Virgin") is heard. Miranda answers.

Miranda: 'up.

Edith: Hi, Miranda. It's Edith. Where are you? What are you doing?

Miranda: Oh, me and the girls are just going to drop some acid, throw our corsets off the cliff, turn into lizards and crawl into a crevice. Come with?

Edith: Wait… you're dropping out.

Miranda: Yeah, no kidding.

The Graduate

Interior: Big ugly church. Ringtone (Simon & Garfunkel's "Scarborough Fair") is heard. Elaine answers.

Benjamin: Hi, it's Ben. Don't marry that twat.

Elaine: Stop bonking my mother.

Benjamin: Deal.

Elaine: Awesome. See you on the bus.


Interior: Room decorated with red velvet and palm trees. Ringtone ("I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas") is heard. Tony answers.

Tony: Ola.

Gina: Hi, Tony. I'm gonna marry Manny, 'kay? So don't shoot him or nothin'.

Tony: Thass okay. Say hello to my leedle friend.

Gina: Sure! Put him on.


Tim said...


Anonymous said...

"Having a Down's Syndrome baby was a surprise every time..."

I'm torn between shock and laughter... oh god, laughter's winning....

That is so terrible and so funny... it's terribly funny. I'll see ya in hell.

shellity said...

I'm so very glad you did this. You took the idea, discussed it, then added icing, a cherry and Pop Rocks, and here it is. I look forward to many more. For example:

Blue Lagoon
Em: Hello, is that the coast guard? Hi. We're a bit stuck, and Richard here is getting a bit randy. Could you come and... yep. That would be great. I'll just flick the 'on' switch on the EPIRB...

A Grey Area said...

Jo, Jo, Jo... we have spoken about your more offensive "isms" before, and that one's quite a shocker. It's not "Down's Syndrome". It's "Mongy".

Still, all the rest is very nice and correct. Thank you very much.

kiki said...

i'd be shocked if i had a down syndrome baby.


"retard? like a mongaloid?"

A Grey Area said...

Thanks Kiki. I love a documentary.