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Monday, March 10, 2008

You Had Me At "Tooheys" #9, or This Week's Pick-up Line

I adore being able to pinpoint the exact moment at which a guy realises his pick-up line is utter pants.

Case in point: my friend Kate and I were having a quiet drink at one of our locals (which is, for the point of the story, across the road from a hospital), when a young gent tried to get Kate's attention.

"Excuse me," he said. "Are you a nurse?"

A mediocre start, which could really go either way. He didn't look like he had a zinger in the wings, though.

"A nurse?" replied Kate. "No. I'm not a nurse. Why do you ask?".

The guy shuffles a bit, but soldiers on.

"Because… your shoes… look… really… um… comfortable?".

See that italic type there? That represents the exact moment that the poor guy's testicles shrank up into his chest. Right before he finished his sentence, he knew he was toast.

Gentlemen, a tip: There are thousands, nay, tens of thousands of ways to start a conversation with a girl you wouldn't mind rubbing naked against. All of them are better than telling her that her shoes look comfortable.

You want me to tell you your penis is 'cute'?
No, you don't.


Anonymous said...

my penis is cute and my shoes like that

kiki said...

my shoes are comfortable. i wouldn't buy them otherwise

if someone mentioned this to me i'd notice their superior intellect in their ability to rise above the modes of fashion and relate to me on a purely plutonic level

then we'd shag

Jo said...

Dog: Thanks for letting me know. Haikus generally have 17 syllables, though.

Kiki: Your shoes are comfortable.

Anonymous said...

my penis is cute and my shoes like that
bugger bugger poo

thats 17 :)

redcap said...

But isn't "comfortable shoes" a euphemism for "lesbian"? That boy so needs some pick-up pointers.

No-one *ever* tries to pick me up. It's a bit like the sun rising and fish paste always being rubbish. But oddly, there was a vague attempt at Writers' Week (yes, I know). The perp was a well-known, older, drunken, yet extremely erudite chap (stop laughing!) and his line - during a discussion about Tom Stoppard plays - was, "But of course this is something we should be discussing later, with out clothes off". Do you think that, "La la la la la! Not listening!" was an apropriate response?