I've always thought it's wonderful that, while I sleep, thousands of people are scurrying around busily, ensuring that when I wake up the streets are sparkling, my garbage has been magically whisked away, and there's fresh bread waiting for me at the corner shop.
Similarly, I'm pleased to know that now, while I sleep, I also have people out there busily picking up blokes for me.
On Sunday night, I'd just settled into bed with a book (rock n' roll types need their literature too, y'know), when my 'phone rang. It was my mate Kylie, and from the sound of her voice and the ambient clamour, I could tell that
a) she was out at a bar; and
b) her bloodstream was at least 13% champagne.
Kylie knows a lot about me, including my weakness for obscenely, freakishly tall men. I'll often excuse shortcomings like arrogance, sub-standard grammar or bumpy noses in men if they have to duck their heads to get into my house. Kylie is also a very pro-active, industrious person who would rather stick a fork in her eye than waste time. The phonecall (primarily one-sided) went something like:
Kylie: Hi, Josie-May. I'm just out for a drink, and there's this great guy here – he's really, really tall, his name is Simon, and he's Irish. He's lovely, and he's gorgeous. Well, I think he's gorgeous. Anyway, I was telling him about you, and I think you should go out on a date. Anyway, here he is…
And I heard her shout "Simon! Simon! It's my friend Jo!" and all of a sudden I'm in my pyjamas chatting to a six-foot-seven-and-a-half Irish guy about how hilarious it is that I effectively have a pimp and that he's really, really tall.
Anyway, we're probably going for a drink next week. Am I insane?
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5 comments:
You're awesome. And more importantly, so is Kylie!
Is this girl a one woman pimp or what, could I could definitely use her services. We'd just need to change the height and sex differentials.
Let us know how the date goes!
Thanks, Davey.
If you were freakishly tall and in the southern hemisphere, I'd totally get Kylie to hook us up.
What do you mean, "Am I insane"? Was there ever any doubt?
I'm very happy that you've found yourself a pimp. I've had one for years. So far she's found me about three snogs and a husband, not to mention two lucrative jobs. Perhaps you could talk to Kylie about getting you a promotion? Or winning lotto? You know, really put her to work.
Er NO! He sounds hot. Tall and Irish? Bring it ON. You must blog this one. So to speak.
The only thing more enjoyable than a drink with that lanky leprechaun would be a drink with this 5 foot 11 guy and his 5 foot 7 pal.
...that sounded creepier than I thought it would. Don't worry, we're gays. (It's Mark. Hi!! x)
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