The Birdhouse Stick Thing

A couple of years ago, I left a job, and some farewell drinks were organised for me in the boardroom.
My boss had also, bless 'er, passed a hat 'round to gather funds for a farewell present, and popped out in the afternoon to purchase a token of her respect and appreciation.

At 5pm on my last day, we all gathered for many, many drinks, and my boss presented me with my parting gift.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but… but… bloody hell. As I was receiving the gift, I looked around the room, and everyone's face had an "I gave you money for THIS?!" expression on it.

The gift, made from rough-hewn sticks, seemingly from the seconds department of a discount store in a third-world country, was – well, a big stick on a stand. The stick had three 'branches', at the end of which were little 'nests', inside which were little potted succulent plants.

Okay – I do really enjoy succulent plants. Tick. However, the bit that I really, REALLY didn't understand was that at the top of the branched rough-hewn stick thing was a little birdhouse. A birdhouse.

As the gift was quite bulky and I was heading out for more drinks, my boss, who in the course of her business dealings would be visiting my new place of work on a weekly basis, promised to bring the Birdhouse Stick Thing to my new office. Because making friends at a new job is hard enough.

SIX MONTHS LATER the Birdhouse Stick Thing arrived. All the plants were dead. One was rotting, and another one had a spiderweb on it. My new boss walked past my desk, stopped, did a double-take, and said in her sweet Scottish accent "No. No. That's wrong". Everyone else who walked past my desk said "What. The Fuck. Is That?"

I didn't want to throw it out or burn it (well, I did, but it would be impolite), and I certainly didn't want it in my house, so I was a bit stuck. I ended up following the only option available to me – I threw the plants in the bin, bought some stuffed-toy birds for the nests and birdhouse, and decided to seasonally decorate the Birdhouse Stick Thing for my workmates to enjoy.

My favourites are below. Because, when it really comes down to it, it was a shit, shit present.

Commemorating Anzac Day:

Commemorating Easter:

Commemorating my holiday to Fiji:

Commemorating Christmas:

And my favourite, commemorating the Michael Jackson verdict: