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Monday, December 11, 2006

Me Love You Short Time

Over the last week I've become the intended victim of what I'm sure is a call-back mobile 'phone scam. In these scams, an unknown caller or text-messager tries to encourage you to call a certain number which then costs you an arm and a leg per minute, usually to listen to a recorded message.

Either that, or some randy bugger with atrocious grammar has really, really got the hots for me.

The texts, one per day, come at around the same time every night (about 11pm), and have escalated in their urgency and amorousness, just like a real relationship. I can't wait to see where this goes…

Day 1: Where are you? What are you doing?
Nice opening line. Simple. Friendly. Open-ended. I texted back "Who's this?", not recognising the number, which probably means I've now unwittingly subscribed to an expensive series of erotic text messages. No response.

Day 2: I miss you. I love you.
Woah! Slow down, buddy. I'm still indifferent. You haven't even bought me a drink, you cheap bastard. Or answered my question. Or noticed that I changed my hair.

Day 3: Call me.
A bit needy, this early on, and frankly I'm still a bit miffed about the drink. I will not, sir.

Day 4: What's happen? Call me.
What's happen is you have bad grammar. I like men with good grammar. Who say please.

Day 5: If you free time ring me I love you I miss you good night
Okay, now you're getting freaky. You're not even punctuating any more, or using capital letters, both qualities I usually admire in a man. This sounds like the ramblings of a guy who rocks back and forth a lot. I understand, though. You've been driven insane by love.

The number the texts are coming from is thirteen digits long, starting with 8615, so my digital Lothario is either overseas or has so much money he can afford to have a longer phone number than most people. I'm assuming it's the latter.
I'm really looking forward to tonight's text message, unless he's over me already. Or maybe he'll get abusive, or start texting my friends as well, or freak out when I ask him to text my parents.

I can't wait to see what illiterately titillating magic is thrust into my inbox tonight. I'll keep you posted.


redcap said...

Ha! That's gold. I like men with good grammar too. Do tell us what tonight's message is :)

PetStarr said...

That's excellent. Totally beats my story about the courier company from Perth who kept calling my mboile looking for Steve. No matter how many times I told them that I wasn't Steve, nor did I know Steve OR have him tied up in my basement, they just wouldn't stop calling. They never told me they loved me though. Sob.